The good news - you've weeded through dozens of replies to your ad and picked out one (or a few!) that seem appealing at first blush. Well done, you. But now what to do with them? We all know that safety and common sense dictate a public meeting with a total stranger, while the instinct for self-preservation urges us toward a low-commitment first outing. On vanilla dates, it's the coffee shop for slightly awkward lattes and game attempts at conversation while you see if you have anything to talk about.
But what if your primary interest isn’t good conversation? Watching someone handle a sugar packet, or even a stirring stick, isn't going to give us a lot of insight into a new person's potential or interests. How nice it would be to get a quick read on a new playmate's physicality, focus, and mindset before moving on to the more advanced modes. Here, then, are five kinky alternatives to the coffee date, for your playful and clueful enjoyment.
1) The Laundry Date, especially for those expressing interest in a service relationship. You both bring your laundry to a public laundromat. The potential servitor does the laundry under the supervision of the potential superior, who brings food and drink to share while the wash washes and the dryer dries. Watch and evaluate careful laundry sorting and folding, appropriate use of hot water, choice of laundry detergent and other laundry additives, any assumptions about who brings the quarters, and each other’s doubtless carefully selected underwear.
2) The Hardware Store Date. Go visit your nearest hardware store, the bigger the better, and have a stroll together through the aisles, while playing the always-amusing game of Other Ways We Could Use That. You’ll get a sense of your prospective partner’s knowledge of safety issues, imagination, ability to visualize an interesting scene, and general level of whimsy. Propose a knot-tying challenge among the spools, see if he or she fondles the staple guns or marches right past, and consider together the ways a common household stepstool could be joyously misused at a later date.
3) The Try A New Thing Date. You can learn a lot about someone by observing them under the stress of having to do a new thing and make a good impression at the same time. Find a single-session class ‒ cooking, knitting, flamenco, telemark skiing, or whatever ‒ and take it together. See what happens when the object of your dirty fantasies is faced with something entirely new. Good humor and flexibility will stand out immediately; so will arrogance (in the bad way), uncontrolled temper, and so on. Anyone who can be cheerfully bad at something they’ve never done before while still trying diligently is a pretty good candidate for advanced boudoir antics.
4) The Batting Cages Date. Wouldn’t it be nice to see how someone looks with a long stick in her hand, or with a small projectile flying toward his head? The batting cages date is partly an opportunity to gauge hand-eye coordination, partly an invitation to increased physical contact (“Maybe if you held the bat a little higher, more like… this”) and partly just a lot of good fun. Good batting cages will also allow a variety of settings from major league to major beginner, and it never hurts to notice whether your date chooses a setting appropriate for them or one designed to impress you. People who strive are sexy, people who overreach can be dangerous, and if you’re going to find that out while someone’s holding a big stick, this is the place to see.
5) The Volunteer Work Date. Sign yourselves up to serve food at a meal kitchen, pack produce at a survival pantry, or similar direct service volunteer work option. Not only will you learn more about this person’s level of interest in helping others, you’ll also be able to see how she or he speaks and interacts with people who society views as ‘less than.’ Keep an eye on condescending tones, patronizing behaviors, or any hint that ‘they brought it on themselves’ ‒ do you really need to sign up for more judgmentalism in your life? Choose dominants who play hard but live right.
As always, follow reasonable safety guidelines as you arrange meetings with potential dates, and ask around. Someone who says they’ve been perving it up for ten years must know some other people you know, if only tangentially, and they can at least give you a sense of whether someone seems well-enough regarded (even if there’s the odd miffed ex in the background, as so many of us have). Overall, have whatever fun there is to have on the first outing or two, and then trust your instincts ‒ they’ll usually lead you right.
